Sells Liquor. Has Opinions.

I work for a liquor company. The majority of my duties are served at one of our two stores. I provide customer service in the form of wine pairing advice, giving directions to the pizza joint next door, fielding inane questions about the construction going on beside us, and conducting monetary transactions for the common, liquor buying folk. There a few things that all ya'll could do to make this go a lot smoother for both of us and what I mean is my job will get less annoying and you get to not be made fun of to your face. Deal?

Here's the list:

If you're on the phone, fuck off and come back when you're not talking to your bff about your slack-ass bf/over-bearing mother/or the cut that you thought nothing of but now you might think is a staph infection. Seriously, fuck off. If you don't, I will stand and stare at you, saying nothing, holding up the line until you put the goddamm phone down and engage.

If it's a gorgeous day and you just came from the beach and you think it's no big D that you haven't put your shirt back on, fuck off and put your shirt back on. I should NEVER have to see your nipples. Ever.

You know when you chuck your visa/mc/debit card/money at me? Don't ever, ever do that. If you do, I will throw your liquor at you. Guess who wins? Me.

If you ask me advice about what would go great with grilled halibut and I say Pinot Gris and you go "huh...what about Yellowtail Shiraz?"?, I will stop talking to you. Period.

If you come in and ask "Do you have any Yellowtail Shiraz?", I will stop talking to you. Period.

If you're underage, get out of my store. Just get out. I'm like a police dog and I was onto you the second you parked your parents mini-van in the parking lot.

If I ask you for ID you are allowed to have two reactions: flattered compliance or calm compliance. Anything else isn't going to make me change my mind that you are 18, in fact it only solidifies my suspicion. But go ahead and have that temper tantrum, threaten me, tell me over and over that the "other girl" sells to you all the time. It only solidifies my suspicion. You can leave now.

The pizza joint is around the other side of the building and no, I don't know what their hours are.

What are they building over there? A building. I don't know who owns it. I don't know when it's going to be done. I don't know what's moving in there. Yes, it is quite noisy. Thanks for reminding me.

Ok, I think that's it for now...oh! just a little pet peeve that's just really creepy and gross...people who carry a bottle around the store for 20 minutes and then bring it to the counter and I have to touch thier sweaty hand print on the bottle. Yech. *shudder*

In short (too late) be aware that the world spins around a huge axis somewhere buried deep within the earth's crust. Last time I checked you cannot be found there. As a result, the world does not revolve around you.

See you at the store!

x-g